


it's a dark place without you

by charjace



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempted Suicide, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Juke - Freeform, Past Luke Patterson/ONBC - Freeform, Reggie is his Sisters Guardian, Single Parent AU, but not really single parent au bc both parents are co-parenting, coffee shop AU, parental neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:34:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29174250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: Reggie smiles at him, and his heart just slams against his chest and Luke doesn’t want this feeling to go away anytime soon. Seeing Reggie’s smile again, it just makes him so happy to see his friend so happy.“Hey, lovebirds get in here!” Flynn calls out, and Luke’s cheeks go slightly red but he just let’s out a small laugh before following Reggie out to where their friends were sitting. Everyone was happy, and laughing, chatting about Julie and Flynn the most, seeing as this was to celebrate their engagement.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina & Luke Patterson, Julie Molina & Reggie Peters, Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Minor Willex and Minor Julynn
Comments: 8
Kudos: 81





	it's a dark place without you

**Author's Note:**

> _when it's written like this that is when the suicide attempt is written please be careful_

Reggie had parked his car in front of Julie’s house, a small smile on his lips as he smiled towards his younger sister sitting in the passenger's seat. El light up with a huge smile, she  _ loved _ Julie and claims she makes better hot chocolates then he does. Julie was his co-worker at a little café called  _ Sunset Curve _ . Reggie had moved back to LA a few months ago, wanting as far away from his father as possible now that he had full custody over El. It had been a long process, but here he was now. Living happily with his little sister, working in the café with Julie who took a huge liking to El.  El was seven years old, and looked like a little female Reggie but with bright blue eyes.

“Julie said she has cookies and a colouring book for you,” Reggie tells her, watching as her smile spread wide and she practically rushed out of the car. “El, hold up. I need to get my bass.”

El nods her head lightly, standing close by the car as Reggie climbed out of the car and getting his bass out of the car, before locking the vehicle. Holding out his hand towards her, she takes it and starts swinging it back and forth.

There was  _ hope _ building in Reggie’s chest. He hasn’t played in a band since he was seventeen years old, when his father had up rooted his life after... Reggie doesn’t want to dwell on it too much. There were many painful memories. But his father had uprooted his life to spend with his mistress, who had been pregnant with the lovely young seven-year-old at his side now. Reggie never knew what happened with his mother really, and no one from LA ever contacted them – not that Reggie told them, not when they hadn’t, Reggie shakes his head slightly.

He was here because Julie mentioned that her band was looking for a bassist after the last one quit. Apparently the last one didn’t get along with their guitarist, and Julie was honest with him. She told him that the other members in the band had been a part of different band __ in high school, but they lost their friend and bassist. Julie told him that she thinks that is part of why they’ve gone through more bassists than she would like to admit, but something in her gut told her that  _ he _ was different.

Reaching the front door, he knocks on the door and smiles when Julie greets them with a smile upon her lips, “Hey  Reg , El. El, you remember the way to the kitchen? My friend Morgan is here with their daughter, you two can play together.”

“You got  cowours ?” El asks, and Julie nods. El quickly let go of Reggie’s hand and rushed inside.  El still was having trouble pronouncing her l’s, but they were working on it. She could say her name, both her full name, and what Reggie and everyone calls her, but that is the most she can do. They celebrate every time she says one correct.

_ Morgan _ , the name rang a bell in Reggie’s mind, he remembers an old friend having a small thing with a classmate of the same name. He doesn’t dwell on it long, “Follow me to the studio. The rest of the gang will be here soon. Flynn said she wanted to see if you played good, but, you know, she’s  rostered on today.”

Julie leads the way, and they’re a t the  studio. A little wave of nervousness pulsed through him as he took a look around the room, then his eyes fell onto a bass. It was red, and familiar. The bass was the only instrument not sitting in the little semi-circle of instruments. There was a place that was clearly meant for his own bass to rest within it, so  _ why _ was this bass here. His feet take him towards the instrument, because it  _ surely _ couldn’t be his old bass. The one his father wouldn’t allow him to get before they moved. Hand reached out towards it when he heard Julie yell, “No!”

“What?” Reggie muses turning to face her, she was looking at him with wide  eyes. Reeling his hand away from the instrument he almost touched.

“Don’t... just don’t touch that bass.  _ I’m _ not even allowed to touch it,” Julie tells him, walking closer to him, guiding him away from it , but his eyes just go back to it.  “Listen, Luke and Alex will have my  _ head _ if you touch it okay.  They’re  actually chill guys, but the friend they lost, they were close and I think they’re still not over it.  Some things are just hard to get over. I know, from when my mother died , there are still things to this day that are hard to do. And it’s been years since she passed.”

_ Luke and Alex? _ No, it couldn’t be. Yet, Reggie knew his luck – and it most likely was, and so many emotions were running through his mind. He places his bass in the stand next to the piano before walking over to the other bass. He could faintly hear Julie call his name, worry in her lips before the sound of laughter found his ears – a laugh he recognised coming into his ears. One he hasn’t heard in years.

Carefully, he went to pick up the bass – turning around to face Julie, slinging the bass over his shoulder. It  _ was _ his, eyes roaming it and finding the little  _ marks _ he remembers it having – and the little  _ RP _ on the back of it.

“Hey! Do-” The words stopping as Reggie lifts his head, eyes finding a familiar blond male standing in front of him. Hand out stretched as if to take the guitar away from him. “ Reg ?”

“Reggie to you,” Reggie replies, memories were starting to flood his mind. Of days spent in the hospital,  _ waiting _ for his friends to show or call – but nothing, none of them visited and it left him wishing he hadn’t been saved _.  _ “Only  _ friends  _ can call me Reg.”

Alex took a step back, shock and hurt spreading across his features and he pulled his hand back, “Reggie... _ How?” _

_ “ _ I survived, not that you care,” Reggie felt bad at saying it, at seeing the way tears formed in Alex’s eyes at his words, at the way Alex’s face looked even more hurt.

“That’s not true, you  _ know _ it,” Alex says taking a step back towards Reggie, “You were  _ family _ .”

Reggie scoffed, “Some family, you never visited me after it, no calls. Nothing. I... Julie, I’m sorry. If  _ they’re _ your band members, I can’t. I’ll just go get El, and I’ll see you tomorrow at work.” Emotions building up too much in him, he forgets to grab his bass that he came with, while leaving with his old one still hanging off his shoulders. It was  _ his _ , so, he doesn’t care that he’s taking it – he walks into the house, walking into the kitchen where he sees El drawing at the table next to the young girl Julie had mentioned earlier, “El, it’s time to go home.”

“Okay,” El replies, dropping the pencils and hoping off of the chair, and following her older brother out of house towards the car.

“You okay with Zoe for the next few weeks?” Morgan asks, shouldering the bag they were holding. Looking towards Luke, a smile upon their lips.

“Of course, I know how important this meeting with your parents is. Go, me and Zoe will be fine,” Luke replies, they heard the door open but paid no attention, it was most likely Julie or Alex getting a drink. “I do have Alex and Julie to help if I need it.”

“Willie has her skateboard, he called me yesterday. She left it there last time she was at Willie and Alex’s place. He is fixing it up a bit,” Morgan informs, before pressing a soft kiss to Luke’s forehead, “I’ll call when I get there. I’m just _ nervous _ .”

“You’ll be fine, and you know we’re all here for you if you need it,” Luke replies, “Go.”

With that, Morgan left the house to go meet up with their birth mother, going through the kitchen to give their child a small kiss on the forehead and saying a small goodbye. Moving towards the kitchen, he only noticed Zoe sitting at the table, the other young girl – El, she had introduced herself as was gone. Julie had mentioned that the new bassists she was looking at had a younger sister, but  _ where _ was she. “Hey, Zoe where’d your friend go?”

“Home,” Zoe replies, smiling up at him from where she had been drawing.

“Come on  Zo , grab your drink and we’ll head into the Studio,” Luke tells her as he gives the table a quick clean up. Placing all the pencils into the container Julie keeps for Zoe, before heading out into the studio where his bandmates were and the new guy that Julie had found. But, when Luke walked in, he noticed a very startled and upset looking Alex. Willie and Julie were at his side, Luke then noticed that Alex was staring at where they kept Reggie’s bass.

Reggie was their old bandmate, back when they were in high school – but, one night he had called them all to say goodbye, and then the next thing they knew their parents were  sitting them down for a talk. Reggie’s father never claimed the guitar, and the two boys couldn’t bear to part with it. Fear filled Luke’s gut as he turned his eyes towards the stand, his heart  _ dropping _ when he noticed that it wasn’t there. “W-What happened? Where is it?”

“Reggie,” Alex manages to murmur, catching Luke’s attention. “He...”

Slight confusion spread across Luke’s features, “I  _ know _ someone took R-”

“No,” Alex shook his head, eyes locking onto Luke’s, “ _ Reggie _ took it.”

Now, Luke  _ really _ was confused, “He’s  _ dead _ Alex. You and I  _ both _ know that.” Shit, Luke thinks as he feels tears start to form in his eyes. Feeling a hand hold onto his, he sees Zoe with her own little worried expression on her face. He bends down to hug her, holding her close to him, “Is this a  _ joke _ ? Because it’s not funny. Alex, I remember the call that night, I remember my... my mum sitting me down the next night, okay. So, whatever joke any of you think this is, stop it. Put Reggie’s bass back  _ now _ .”

He also remembers crying his eyes out, he remembers asking his mother if Alex can come over where they both cried together. Remembers going over the Peters household to have it confirmed by his mother, and that was the last they ever saw of his mother, and not even two weeks later, Reggie’s father had moved out, and away. No one told them of a funeral happening, so the boys never got the closure they were desperate for.

“L-”

“No! Just put it  _ back _ ,” Luke’s voice breaks and Zoe tightens her hug on him, no one else said anything and it became silent in the studio. “Fine, no practice until the bass is back.”

He was cleaning down the machine while Julie was sweeping the floor, the shop had closed ten minutes ago. Flynn was picking up El from school and looking after her for Reggie, in return for Reggie taking her Saturday shift, because Flynn told him that she has a special date planned for Julie to celebrate their two-year anniversary. Reggie was happy to cover the shift, and it was going to be a quiet day so he could take El in and have her sit quiet in the corner until Carrie’s older sister came by to pick her up.

Carrie and Taylor, are the nieces of the guy who owns the place – and he had talked it over with Trevor, who approved of the shift change, which was  _ wonderful _ , because Reggie knows exactly what Flynn has planned, and he is sure Carrie does too, which is why she’s taking Julie’s shift.

“Reggie, you left your bass at the studio,” Julie starts, as she props the broom against the wall before getting the dust pan. Neither of them talked about yesterday all day, neither wanting to cause drama while on work time. They technically still were, but there were no customers around now.

“I can collect it, I’m needing to pick up El anyway,” Reggie says with a soft smile towards Julie. He’s finished with the machine, and is doing the last wipe down of the counter. They finish the rest of the cleaning in quiet, before getting into their cars and heading towards Julie’s home.

“Here, for the studio,” Julie hands him the key once he gets out of his car, “I’ll go tell El you’re here. You want to stay for dinner? I’m sure Flynn won’t mind making extra.”

“Sure. I think El maybe sick of my cooking by now,” Reggie jokes, he wasn’t a bad cook – he just, has been having trouble affording different foods, so he has to stick to the cheaper options, just for a few more months Reggie tells himself. Moving took a lot of money out of his bank, but if it meant they were away from their father, then Reggie didn’t care. El was still being fed, she was happy and that was what mattered to Reggie. “It shouldn’t take long; I’ll load it in my car then be in.”

“Cool, see you inside then. Just walk in,” Julie gives a small kiss to his cheek before walking his way towards the studio. 

Nearing the studio, he can hear soft strums and noticed that the door was cracked slightly open, carefully he walked into the studio. The door creaking making the male sitting on the couch jump. “I know I said no practice until -” Luke, Reggie recognised him practically right away. His sentence falling flat as he looked at Reggie, placing his guitar to the side, leaning against the couch. “R-Reggie?”

“Yeah, Luke it’s me. Didn’t Alex tell you?” Reggie’s voice showing no emotion as he moves towards where he left his bass yesterday, “I’m just here for my bass,  _ and _ I’m keeping my old one.”

“Y-You’re...  _ alive _ ,” Luke manages to stutter out as Reggie picks up his bass.

Reggie rolls his eyes, “Of course, god, why do you and Alex act like you saw a  _ ghost _ when you saw me.”

“ Bec -”

“Daddy?” A small voice cuts him off, and a young girl comes bounding into the studio holding a book in her hands before standing in front of Luke, a huge smile on her face. Reggie recognises her, he saw her for a few moments when he went to grab El. “I finished my homework! Flynn helped me.”

“That’s awesome Kitten,” Luke says  affectionally , allowing the young girl to climb into his lap, “Your teacher will be so proud. I am, and  Nini will be too. We can call them when we get home after dinner at Grandma Emily’s, yeah?”

“Yeah!”

It went quiet in the studio, and Reggie looks at the young girl and Luke. The young girl looked very similar to Luke, and it was hard to wrap his head around it.  _ Luke _ had a child, one who was around the same age as his younger sister, maybe a year or so younger. “You have a daughter?”

“Yes. Zoe, this is Reggie.  Reg , this is Zoe.”

“Reggie, it’s  _ Reggie _ to non-friends. You’re no friend Luke,” Reggie states, before leaving the studio, if he looked back, he would see the sad look that passed over Luke’s face, and Zoe hugging her father. He places his bass into the car, before going back to the house, knocking even though Julie had told him that he could just walk in. He didn’t feel right just  _ doing _ that, Julie waved him in.

In the kitchen, Flynn was cooking dinner while El sat at the table drawing, her headphones covering her ears – music helping her focus. Reggie walked up to her, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, “Reggie!” El exclaims, twisting her body to hug his torso and he hugs her back slightly then she is turning to her drawing. Reggie let his eyes roam over the paper, smiling to himself when he saw a few faces, and names scribbled next to them.

Julie went to help her girlfriend, and Flynn turned to look at him, “Hey Reg. El did all her homework, and had her new friend help.”

“ Reg , I’m sorry, if I knew Luke would be here, I would have let you know,” Julie tells him, looking over her shoulder from where she took over from Flynn, while the other girl moved around the kitchen to get a few more things for dinner. Reggie moves around the kitchen to get himself a glass of water, slowly sipping on it.

“What happened? You guys never told me. You joining the band  Reg ?” Flynn’s questions firing off quickly, “Don’t listen to Luke, or let him get under your skin okay. Julie informed you right? Yeah, it’s coming up the anniversary, and he gets _ extra _ cranky around this time. He says he doesn’t but he  _ does _ . Alex gets sad, while Luke gets cranky. I  _ swear _ I think that boy had a crush on his friend, or he feels guilty, or both.”

“Flynn!” Julie exclaims, eyes going wide as she looks at her girlfriend who was  cutting  some carrots . 

“What? You know I’m right; didn’t you try to ask him  about it  when you two dated? He shut you down about it, right? Classic denial,” Flynn states, a knowing look on her features as she moved back to take over Julie, adding in the carrots into the mix.

Reggie had moved to sit at the table, sitting next to his sister, “ _ Guilty? _ Why, because he didn’t visit his friend in hospital?” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, and ignoring the confused look Flynn shot his way. Julie came to sit next to him, giving his hand a squeeze – she's a smart girl. She knows that Luke and Alex’s Reggie is  _ him _ .

“What? No, because he couldn’t save his friend,” Flynn replies, “God, I can still remember the heartbreak that was written across their faces when they told us why they wanted the bass in the studio, and why they wouldn’t let us touch it. I think they both felt guilty, but Luke, there was a whole other level to it, like he  _ missed _ something. Which...  _ Juls _ , it’s missing and Luke hasn’t come in here screaming about it.”

“He did that yesterday,” Julie comments after a few moments of silence, giving Reggie’s hand another squeeze and a light smile. She only removes her hand to clean up  El’s drawing space so that she could eat as Flynn was nearly ready to dish up.

“Julie, what is going on?” Flynn asks, taking the pan off the stove, before dishing up the food onto plates. “You were quiet yesterday when I got home, you wouldn’t tell me if Reggie is joining the band or not.”

“I’m not,” Reggie replies, “I can’t. Not with Luke and Alex, not again.”

“Again?” Flynn questions, plates now in front of everyone and she sits down next to Julie. “I seriously am missing something here. What is it?”

“Reggie isn’t dead,” Julie says, and Flynn rolls her eyes, hand going to point towards Reggie, no doubt about to say anything along the lines of  _ no shit  _ _ sherlock _ , “No, _ Luke and Alex’s  _ Reggie isn’t dead.”

“What? How do they know? God, they mu-”

“Flynn, did you have a lot of sugar today? You’re not letting me finish,” Flynn looks down sheepishly at her food at Julie’s accusations, telling Julie that she has had a lot of sugar today. “Reggie isn’t dead, he’s right here. It’s the same one, we just didn’t know.”

“Isn’t your last name Jackson?” Flynn asks, a tilt of her head, “The boy’s Reggie was _ Peters _ .”

“Peters was my last name. My father legally changed his last name, and made me do it too when we moved. Never told Luke or Alex, why would I, they didn’t care about me,” Reggie says with a small shrug of his shoulders. Reggie doesn’t really want to change his last name back to Peters, it was his father’s last name, Jackson was his step mother’s and some part of him wants to honour the woman. She was kind to him when she didn’t have to be. “Can we drop this, El only knows so much about this.”

“Of course,” Julie says with a nod of her head, while Flynn nods her head too. They change the topic to their latest show obsession. None of the girls pointing out that El had her headphones on, and probably wasn’t listening to them, but to the music with the way her head was bobbing along as she ate.

_ Tears were flowing down his cheeks as he scribbled in his notebook. It’s a little note to his friends, telling him everything. Telling them he was sorry, that he loved them and he just couldn’t do it anymore, and now they don’t have to worry about him. His parents were arguing loudly in the living room. When Reggie came home, there was a woman he’s seen before at the local bookstore sitting on the couch. He remembers her always smiling at him when he entered and asking what kind of books he was into, always having a new book recommendation for him when he entered the store. It was one of the few things that kept him going these past few months. She looked shocked to see him, but gave him a small smile and he gave a small nod of his head. _

_ His mother had been sitting across from her on the couch, an angry look on her features as she glared at the woman. “Don’t look at my son,” His mother growled out, making Reggie flinch slightly and he saw worry fall across the store clerk’s face, her name was Jessica – but she let him call her Jess.  _

_ “I didn’t know you had a son,  _ _ Arnlod _ _ n-” _

_ “Don’t speak his name now,” His mother snapped, “Fuck off to your room Reginald. Left you something to eat in there. Me, your father and this whore are going to have a talk, best you not come out of your room.” _

_ “Hey! Jess I-” _

_ “Oh, she sleeping with you too? You’re just as pathetic as your father. Go!” His mother yelled, pointing her fingers towards the hallway. _

_ With tears forming in his eyes, he walks into his room. On his desk there was only a few muesli bars, food he was allergic too. Great, he had nothing to eat. His mother would have his head if he walked out of the place. He had broken down crying, curling up on his bed, his stomach calling out for food to fill it.  _

_ Then, he hears the door open and the footsteps of his father coming into the house. It was quiet for a bit, but then – the yelling started, and Reggie, he just couldn’t take it anymore. Any of this. Feeling like a ghost within his own home most of the time, of feeling only happy when he was reading, in the bookstore or with Luke and Alex, his friends – his true family.  _

_ These thoughts aren’t new to him, they’ve been coming on and off for the past few years. So, carrying himself to the bathroom, careful to not let it be known that he left his room. Quietly, he shuts the door, but doesn’t lock it. His phone in his back pocket, he quickly dials Alex’s number first. Saying a quiet sorry, and goodbye before hanging up and calling Luke, doing the same as he finds what he was looking for, finding the pill container – the one his mother keeps under the sink, he grabs it and slinks quietly back into his room. _

_ There, he started writing out a better letter to explain to Luke and Alex why he did it. Then, he is uncapping the bottle and swallowing the pills, three at a time. He hears a soft knock on his door, it takes him a moment to register it – no one knocks on his door, and he hears himself softly saying, “Come in,” He doesn’t know why he did though, and in walked Jessica. _

_ Her eyes looking around the room, smiling at him before her blue eyes landed on the pill bottle in his hand. Eyes widening in shock, she runs to him, going to hold his head in her hands before quickly pulling out her own cell phone. “ _ _ Reg _ _ , sweetie, stay with me.” _

_ “Sorry,” Reggie mumbles, his eyes were getting heavy now and his mind was starting to fog, “You can... have my books.” He tells her, not that she would want his books, she probably already owned most of them anyway. Most of his books were ones she recommended him. _

_ “Reggie, sweetie. Stay awake, okay. Yes, hello. Ambulance to 469 Sunset Drive. Overdose, suicide attempt. He’s conscious,” Jess's voice full of concern and worry. “Hey, Reggie, I need you to stay with me. Come on, tell me about your band. How are Luke and Alex?” _

_ “Luke is dating Morgan, he likes her,” At the time, Morgan was still going by she/her - and Reggie wouldn’t find out their true pronouns until he sees them again around seven to eight years later. “Pretty, blue hair. Luke likes blue. Alex likes pink, cotton candy is pink and too sweet.” His mind was going all over the place, his eyes getting heavier with each blink.  _

_ “Do you not like cotton candy?” She asks, trying to keep the conversation going, to get him responding to her until the ambulance arrived. He  _ _ nods _ _ his head, “What  _ _ do _ _ you like?” _

_ “Pizza. Favourite food. I’m tired, I want to go to sleep,” His eyes close, and he doesn’t open them for a few seconds. It’s getting harder to keep them open. One time, he closes them, and doesn’t open them again for who knows who long. All he knows that he wakes up in a white room, and a soft voice reading out loud from a book. Turning his head, he sees Jessica sitting there, she smiles when she sees he’s awake. He doesn’t get a word in because just then, his father walks in before pressing a soft kiss to Jessica’s head. _

_ Reggie is too tired, and groggy to ask why. He’ll probably learn later; it was quiet between them. Many questions ran through his mind, he remembers what happened, what he  _ did _. “Luke? Alex? Do they know?” _

_ “Yes,” His father simply states, not saying anything further. “We’re moving to Philadelphia after you get out. It’s already in motion, you will only have time to pack your room. Anything you left at your friends, sorry, it has to stay there.” _

_ Reggie nodded his head, maybe he could ask when they visit him if they could bring him his things. He would really like his bass, he saved up for it – he would like to get it back. It currently sat in Alex’s garage, waiting for him to go _ _ it _ _ to again. But his friends never came to visit him, and he cried on the third day, realising that  _ no _ his friends weren’t coming to see if he was alright and it hurt. So, he deletes their numbers from his phone when it’s becomes a week. When he moves, he gets a whole new number. _

_ Last night’s call made him nervous, especially because Alex said he had a similar call when they meet up at school. A sinking feeling in his gut getting worse as the day went on and neither he nor Alex saw Reggie in school. He asked Morgan if they had seen him, but they too haven't seen him all day. None of it was making the feeling in his stomach better, trying to study was hard with the feeling so he cut his study date with Morgan short, and they told him to call if he needed it. So, he went home. When he did, his mother engulfed him in a tight hug and he didn’t understand. In fact, it made him feel sick, because that feeling in his stomach worsened as she led him to the couch. Sadness and worry filling her features, “Luke,” He can hear the break in her voice, and his heart is already breaking. His father steps into the living room with a cup of hot chocolate, sitting it in front of him.  _

_ Luke’s comfort drink, his heart was picking up pace – what was going on here. “W-What’s going on? You don’t just  _ randomly _ make me hot chocolates unless you have bad news, or I’m upset. I’m  _ not _ upset.” That was a lie, he knows it because he hasn’t been feeling right all day. _

_ “There is no easy way to say this,” His father starts, and there was the same sadness that was in his mother’s voice. “We were informed by the school, they wanted us to tell you instead of them – before it went around the school.” _

_ “What? Before  _ what _ went around the school dad?” _

_ “It’s Reggie  _ _ hunny _ _ ,” His mother speaks, “He... He killed himself last night.” _

_ “No!” Luke yells standing up, tears forming in his eyes as his heart shatters into a million pieces. Reggie couldn’t be dead; he couldn’t be  _ gone _. “Y-You’re lying.  _ _ Reg _ _ , h-he wouldn’t” _

_ Then, it hit him – the call last night, and it just broke him. He should have gone to Reggie’s house after the call. He should have called Alex, called an emergency band meeting and just snuck out of the house. He should have  _ been  _ there for his friend, but he wasn’t, and now he was  _ _ dead. _ _ A lot of  _ _ should  _ _ have's running through his mind  _ _ while  _ _ his mother wrapped her arms around him as he broke down crying into her arms. She holds him tightly, and he can tell she’s crying too, but is trying to hold it back for him. _

_ “A-Alex, I need him,” Luke manages to stutter out after a small while, he needs his other friend. _

_ “Of course,” His mother murmured, “Mitch? Call the Mercers, ask if you can pick Alex up? They need each other.” _

_ “Yes dear,” His father replies, and he can hear his father walk out, and the very faint sound of keys as his father left. Half an hour later, he is sitting at the family table with his mother, father and Alex. When Alex had arrived, they hugged each other tightly, new sets of tears threatening to spill from their eyes but they held them back as they went into the kitchen.  _

_ Dinner wasn’t anything big, none of the boys could stomach food – mainly just pushing the food around on the plate until they were dismissed. From there, they went into Luke’s room and broke down in each other’s arms. Each feeling some form of guilt at not seeing the signs, for not doing anything about their sinking gut feelings – for, letting their friend slip through their fingers like sand. They fall asleep next to each other, and for the next few days they were inseparable, and word spread around the school once the school knew that the boys knew, they held an assembly. _

_ Morgan, true to their word was there for him and was there for Alex. Holding their hand out to both of them, not wanting to let them go through it alone. They weren’t close with Reggie, but Luke knew they would have been had they not lost Reggie. It hurt, hearing Reggie’s mother confirm the death, it hurt seeing the Peters house with a for sale sign on it, no sign of life coming from it. It hurt when no one told them of when the funeral was, so the boys held their own little thing in Luke’s backyard. _

“This!” A familiar voice says, the sound of something slamming onto the counter causes Reggie to turn around to see Alex standing there. Carrie and Kayla were somewhere around the shop, talking with customers while he manned the front for a bit until he had to go pick El up from school. Reggie looks down at what Alex had slammed down onto the counter. It’s been four days now since he saw Alex again, three since Luke. Alex had placed his old notebook, the one he remembers writing  _ that _ letter in eight years ago now. “This is all we had left of you, and your bass.  Reg your  _ su _ -”

“Reggie,” He corrects, taking note of how Alex flinches at the correction, “ _ Friends _ can call me Reg.”

“I am your friend!”

“Friends visit friends in hospitals Alex,” Reggie retorts, “Now, are you here to order something, if not. Leave. You maybe Julie’s friend, but you aren’t  _ mine _ .”

Shock and hurt once again spread across Alex’s face, before he says, “Fine. Two of the pepperoni pizzas slices, and two pomegranate teas, and one kids temperature hot chocolate.”

Reggie made a face, Alex didn’t like pomegranate tea, nor did Luke. That was  _ him _ , Reggie liked it and would remember his friends teasing him about it. He also knew Alex wasn’t the biggest fan of pepperoni, it didn’t make sense to him, but he punched in the order and took Alex’s money, watching as Alex takes the notebook to a table in the corner. He watches Carrie give him a small empathic smile before walking over to Reggie.

“Flynn should be here any moment, go pick up El. Me and Kayla can handle it until she arrives,” Carrie informs him .

Nodding, he was about to rely the order he just took, but she shook him off, telling him she knows the order, then he slinks out the back to take off his apron, and grab his keys, before walking out the front, saying a quick goodbye to Kayla and Carrie. There was a small carpark where the staff and customers park their cars, he was just about to unlock his car when he felt something push at his legs, turning around he sees Zoe, glaring at him. It was _ cute _ if he was honest, and it so reminded him of Luke which...

“Zoe! We do not push people,” Luke’s voice chides as he walks over to them, a cross face spread across his face. Reggie fought a smile at how  _ cute _ it was, and how alike they looked.

“You made Daddy cry, you are mean,” Zoe tells Reggie, ignoring her father.

Reggie’s jaw opened to speak, but nothing came out so he just closed it, looking at Luke who grabs hold of Zoe’s hand. “Sorry about her. Come on Kitten, let’s go see Uncle Alex, he’s waiting for us.”

Luke tugs on his daughters' hand, before leading her away from Reggie. Reggie tries not to think about how Luke didn’t dare look up at him, the whole time, his eyes were on his daughter. Shaking his head, he climbs into his car, driving himself to pick up El. Once he has El, they’re headed to a familiar book shop. In the corner of his eye, he sees El perk up at seeing a bookstore.

Getting out of the car, the siblings walk into the store, “El, this is where your mother use to work,” Reggie tells her, “Today is book day, let’s find us a book.”

When they moved, every year on the anniversary, Jessica would take Reggie and El to the local bookstore that she had found some casual work in. Reggie felt like she did it to take Reggie’s mind off of what had happened, and to distract him and it worked. Then, Jessica died when El was nearly four, and Reggie was struggling with certain demons. Demons he had to clear before the system would let him have El after they found his father to be neglecting her needs. They would then get whatever fast-food Reggie was craving – then it became whatever El wanted, and Reggie did his best to continue it after Jessica’s death. Labelling it  _ Book Day _ , that when they could, they would go to a bookstore and pick out a book. Ever since Reggie has been paying, it’s only one book and he always let’s El pick it.

She finds a book she likes, and Reggie buys it with a smile upon his lips. The cashier had been staring at him the whole time, like he’d seen a ghost. That was something that Reggie had been noticing whenever he recognised a face from high school, there was a lot of confused or shocked looks, but they generally shook their head, no-one ever really saying anything.

El wanted McDonalds, so that is what they got. Both having Happy Meals, and playing with their toys as they sat at a bench in a park. The sun starting to dip, and they finished with putting their rubbish in the bin. They drove for a while, just listening to the music filter through the radio and into the car. Reggie then found himself down an old familiar street. His breath hitched,  _ Sunset Drive _ , telling him he was nearing  _ that _ place. The last time he was in there, it was to pack his stuff into boxes as his father told him his mother left them. Feeling tears prickling his eyes, he pulls over to the side and grabs his phone. Dialling Julie’s number, she should be home and, he can’t be alone and Julie makes him calm, and she and Flynn would be able to entertain El. He motions for El to put her headphones on, and she does so.

“Hey  Reg , what’s up?” Julie’s voice so bright and happy fills his ears, and he lets out a small wet laugh.  _ Oh god _ , he was on the brink of tears. “What’s wrong?” Worry easily replacing happiness that was her voice two seconds ago.

“C-Can you look after El?” Reggie asks, trying not to let his voice crack but he hears it do so. “I... I have to go somewhere, and, I don’t want to bring her there,” He doesn’t want her to see this side of him again, to see him _ battling _ demons within himself.

It went quiet for a few moments, before he hears Julie say, “Of course. How far away are you?”

“Ten minutes, max. El has eaten, don’t worry about that. I know how you are,” Reggie replies, he remembers the first day he started working at Sunset Curve Café, he hadn’t brought himself anything to eat. In his small apartment, he only had enough food to feed El, and El was more important than him. Julie had noticed he hadn’t eaten anything, and Carrie had also noticed – so, Julie sat him down at a table, telling him he was on break and to eat setting down a plate of freshly cooked fries – he had looked to Carrie who only sent him a glare, that said  _ Do as she says _ , so he did. “See you soon.”

Hanging up, he waits a few moments before, tapping El on her shoulder and when she removes her head phones, smiles at him and he returns it, “I have to do something important, Julie said she would look after you.”

“ Juwie !”

Reggie smiles brightly, and heads off to Julie’s house, where Julie was waiting for him just outside, she asks him if he was okay, and he nods his head and thanks her.

These past few days have been _ hell _ for him mentally, he wasn’t doing well – especially today, and he just didn’t know what to do, and some old urges started to resurface. Zoe was with Alex and Willie, they had suggested he go, just in case and for Zoe. They had told him they still have some of Zoe’s clothes, so, if he needed it – they would have Zoe for the whole night, and would get her to school tomorrow. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve his friends, to have them care about him that much. So, here he was sitting in the small little room listening in as someone talked to them. He heard the door faintly open and shut, but he doesn’t look – no one in the room does. They just listen as the speaker talks – then the floor is open for anyone to share if they want too. Luke doesn’t, he can’t trust his voice not to break, it really has been a hard few day – and he knows this is why his friends suggested this to him.

A few people got up and talked, some about their day, or about how far long they’ve come and he just sat their listening. He thought about Zoe, and how Morgan will have  _ no _ hesitation in taking their daughter away from him if he became the person he was back then. Luke understood, he wasn’t  _ pleasant _ to deal with and he wouldn’t hold it against them. He didn’t like himself back then either.

Soon, the meeting was dismissed and people were filing out of the room, he stayed seated, needing a few more moments to compose himself. Standing up, he was about to fish out his phone from his back pocket, when he noticed a familiar face – and he stood there  _ shocked _ , and he must have been staring because those eyes snapped up to look at him, and he could see shame and sadness fill those eyes.

“ Reg ?” His voice barely heard in the quiet murmurs of the others walking towards their cars. Those eyes, glare slightly at him and Luke gives a small nod, before walking closer to his old friend, “Right... not friends. I  _ know _ this is a tough day, for both of us, especially with the past week, but can we  _ please _ talk. Like, actually talk. I missed you.”

Reggie scoffed, rolling his eyes, “Miss me, right... must’ve been why you never visited me in the hospital.”

“Reggie... Can we... do this at my place, it’s not far from here,” Luke offers, trying not to sound hurt at Reggie’s comment. He pulls out a piece of paper from his back pocket, always having s o me there just in case he got a sudden lyric inspiration, many papers have gone through the wash because he forgot about it being there. With a pen from his jacket, he writes down his address and hands it over to Reggie. “This is my address. It’s only me there, Alex and Willie are looking after Zoe. I’ll wait twenty minutes, if you’re not there... I just, want to talk.” He wants to say like old times, but it won’t be like old times. 

How can it be? For the past now eight years, he thought Reggie was  _ dead _ only to find out that he was alive, and that Reggie  _ hates _ him and Alex. Luke thinks he knows what might have happened, that Reggie’s father or mother told everyone their son died as a way to escape the town without questions as to  _ why _ . He remembers going around to Reggie’s home the day after he found out with Alex, and how Reggie’s mother confirmed it, while not letting them in to get anything to remember Reggie by. How, feed up, she stormed to her son’s room and handed them the notebook that ended up containing his note.

Neither Luke or Alex could read it without breaking down crying, they couldn't even read it out loud. Reggie took the piece of paper, and Luke headed to his car to drive himself home. Arriving there, he sends a text to Alex, saying he needs the night, and feels relief flood him when Alex tells him it’s alright, and Zoe says Good Night, he sends one back saying to tell her he says it back.

Ten minutes passed by as he sat on his couch, a cup of tea gone cold in his hands as he waits – hoping that Reggie would come. He was about to give up on waiting, it’s just over twenty minutes now when a soft knock could be heard, and he was quick to his feet. Opening the door, he sees Reggie there, looking nervous. Luke ushers him in, asking if he wants anything to drink and just nodding his head when he says no and they sit on the couch with as much distance between them as possible.

“If we had  _ known _ we would have visited,” Luke says after a few minutes of silence, it was becoming very hard to stand and Luke hated that, because just being alone with Reggie use to be so carefree, and he could spend hours with Reggie without them even interacting, just being in the same room. He hated how that was  _ gone _ now. “But... we were told you  _ died _ . The tears I saw in my mother's eyes as she told me were  _ real _ , the pain and guilt I felt, it was real. Me and Alex  _ grieving _ you, real. We went around to your house the next day, the day after we found out. Your mother, she told us you died too. That’s... that’s how we got your notebook, Alex said he showed it to you before you told him to order or get out. She practically shoved it at us, and told us to fuck off. So, Reggie, believe me when I say, I missed you, because I  _ did _ , I  _ do _ .”

“Y-You saw my mother?” Reggie manages to stutter out, eyes going slightly wet. He’s listening to Luke speak, trying to hear him out and  _ explain _ why he and Alex never visited , but his eyes never  looking at Luke.

“Yeah, it was the last time though.”

“I... Last time I saw her, was...” Eyes cast down towards the ground, and Reggie wipes at his eyes, “She never visited me in the hospital, and when we got out, my father said she left us. That, we were going to live with Jessica in Philly. My father, he... I asked if you guys knew, he said  _ yes _ . I guess... I wasn’t in the right state of mind, and thought he told you guys I survived.”

“I’m sure that is what anyone would have thought,” Luke doesn’t comment that  _ yes of course _ Reggie was most likely not in the right state of mind, no one in a healthy state of mind tries to take their life. “You know, as soon as we found out we would have been there right? You meant the world to us.  _ Still do _ . Parting with your bass? We could barely stand to touch or move it until we meet Julie. Her studio was safer than Alex’s garage.”

“I should... I should have gone to pick it up, then maybe... you guys would...” Reggie cuts himself off, there were so many  _ What If’s _ , and Reggie doesn’t want to think too much on them. Sucking in a deep breath, he looks at Luke, “How long? Sober I mean...Sorry, too personal”

“Six years roughly,” Luke answers honestly, looking at his friend and taking in how shame refilled those eyes , not towards Luke, but  of himself and Luke hated seeing his friend feel like that about himself . “I used  _ sex _ to cope, then... Morgan got pregnant, it was fine we would still, until their dysphoria kicked in  _ hard _ , and I wasn’t even allowed to so much as touch them unless it was a hug. I was  _ not _ the kindest when I drank, which is what I turned to when sex was off the table, and I didn’t want to find  _ random _ hook ups. I got nasty, quick as Alex would note. I was sober for three months before I relapsed. Zoe was just two months then.

“It took everyone a little while before  they recognised I was drinking again. Morgan never let me hold  our  daughter when they figured it out. Zoe, she’s the reason I stay sober because  _ six months _ of not being able to hold, or be near her, it hurt. I know, you didn’t want my story... but, I want you to  know , because even though you may not call me a friend anymore, I still call you mine. I can’t change that,” Luke comments, wiping at his eyes were his tears were falling from. Looking at Reggie, he notices that Reggie is playing with the bracelet on his wrist, spinning it around his wrist – and Luke wants to reach out and hold Reggie’s hand, to hold the other’s wrist in his own and rub soothing circles into the back of his palm like he used too.

“Six years?” Reggie questions, voice breaking as he asks the question and Luke can see the pain, the shame that was still lingering there. Luke gives a small nod of his head, “That’s good. Six years... that’s a long time.”

“I’m hoping to keep the years going,” Luke says, daring slightly to move closer to Reggie, “Hey, Reggie, no matter  _ how long _ you’ve been sober, you’re sober now. Okay. Six years or six months, okay.”

Silence fell over them, and Luke watched as Reggie wiped at his eyes. It breaks his heart seeing Reggie like this and being unable to reach out and hold him like they did when they were younger. “I’m sorry... for being rude to you, and to Alex. I’ll... I’ll try and talk to him. I... After all the hell that my father has put me through, I believe your side. Logic just, wasn’t my friend back then, wasn’t for years.  So. .. I’m sorry, again.”

“I can give you Alex’s number if you want,” Luke offers, and Reggie nods his head as he grabbed out his phone holding it out to Luke who then puts in Alex’s number. He debates putting his own but thinks better of it – if Reggie wanted it, he would have asked. Handing it back, Luke smiled at him, “There. Alex’s number, let him know who it is though or he will ignore it.”

“Thanks,” Reggie says, placing his phone into his pocket. “No one knows. I... I’ve only been back a few months.  So. ..”

“Of course,” Luke mimes zipping his lips and giving a small nod of his head, “I understand. It’s  _ your _ story to tell. It took me seven months of knowing Julie before I told her. Four of those, we were dating.”

A soft laugh escaped Reggie’s lips, and  _ man _ did Luke miss hearing that laugh. Comments made by Morgan, Julie and Flynn, and there were a few from Willie come back into his mind, when they made  _ sly _ comments about him having had a crush on Reggie when they were younger. But, like then, he pushes those thoughts away and just smiles at Reggie as he comments, “I heard about that. I take it you and Morgan didn’t work out then?”

“No, we didn’t,” Luke answers, he knows Reggie is wanting to change the subject, and Luke let’s him. It wasn’t an easy thing to talk about, nor did Reggie owe him his story. He, if Reggie wanted to, would tell Luke when he was ready and Luke would not push that. “We stayed friends with benefits though... well up until they got pregnant. Then, co-parenting.”

“That must have been scary, becoming a parent at such a young age.”

“It was,” If he was honest with himself, he thinks the stress from that  _ helped _ feed into his addiction. “But we managed with the help of our friends and family. What about you and El? She’s your sister, right?”

“Yeah. I only recently finally got full custody of her. Our father, after Jessica’s death... he just... it wasn’t safe for El. I had been battling custody for her for nearly four to five years,” Reggie answers, eyes looking away from Luke but he looks at him with a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes when he looks back. “Moved back to LA... I don’t really know why, just that it was very far away from our father.”

“I suppose me and Alex were far from your mind?” Luke muses, he knows what the answer will be – but, it will still hurt but he won’t show it. He doesn’t when Reggie nods his head, “Where is she, El?”

“With Julie and Flynn. They were closest from where I was when... She loves Julie and Flynn,” Reggie replies, a light real smile graced his lips for a few seconds. They ended up talking for a few more minutes before Reggie left because he had to pick up El and go home.

Reggie had texted Alex the next day, and Alex was eager to talk to him. Fate seemed to be nice, because both men had the day off, and Alex suggested the old small diner they use to go to when they were younger. So, that is where he was now with a milkshake sitting in front of him. The door to the diner chimed, and Alex walked in, immediately spotting Reggie because by some other miracle, the table they use to share in their teens. When Alex sits down, Reggie pushes the glass over, and watches as Alex’s face contorts into confusion. 

“Raspberry, your favourite, right?” Reggie asks, it’s been a long while since he saw his friends – but, there are just some things he couldn’t  _ shake _ from his head, no matter how hard he tried.

Alex gives a small nod of his head, “Yeah... What’s going on, because yesterday you didn’t want to talk, but now? You do. Not that I’m not  _ happy _ that you want too, I am, I’m just, confused.”

“The milkshake, it’s an apology, for yesterday and last Sunday. I’m sorry,” Reggie answers, fingers twisting the bracelet that was on his wrist. Reggie looks up at Alex, “I bumped into Luke last night, and, we talked.”

“ _ Where _ did you bump into him?” Worry started going right over Alex’s features, and Reggie thinks back on what he said, and with  _ what _ he knows – understands where Alex’s worry must be stemming from. 

“At... a meeting,” Reggie watched as Alex visible relaxed, then the words must have registered in Alex’s mind. “Um, can you  _ not _ tell Julie, or Flynn, or really  _ anyone _ . Only you and Luke know now.”

“I... Of course,” Alex says with a light nod of his head, then silence fell between them.

“So, uh... who was that guy? I never meet him,” Reggie says breaking the silence, and then he saw the wide smile that spread across Alex’s face, and the fondness and love that light up Alex’s face. 

“Willie? He’s my fiancé,” Reggie’s eyes went wide, but a smile of his own spread across his lips. He was happy that his old friend found someone who loved him, and who he clearly loves back. Reggie remembers nights when he and Luke would comfort Alex after he had come out to his parents, and how they hadn’t accepted it nicely. How for a while, he had to watch as Alex struggled with going home to a place that grew cold. 

As he watched Alex go through all that and knowing he could only do  _ so much _ , and his mind supplies him now,  _ is this how they felt when I ‘died’? _ , shoving the thought down, he quickly orders some fries when the waitress visits the table before turning back to Alex. “How’d you meet?”

Hearing Alex laugh again, it brought back some great memories, “Skateboarding accident. He crashed into me. It was, uh... six months after... he helped me with moving through my grief in ways that Luke couldn’t. I think... we enabled each other’s downward spirals because we both really didn’t know how to move on.”

“I’m sorry,” Reggie says, looking down at his hands.

“You’re here now,” Alex tells him, giving a small smile, “What about you? You dating anyone?”

Reggie shook his head, “Not right now, but I have had a few relationships. This guy for like six months in college before I dropped out. Then, this girl for nearly two years – she wasn’t good for me, or El.”

“Guy?” Alex muses with a tilt of his head.

“Uh...  _ yeah _ . I like both... I forgot you don’t know that. I’m bisexual,” Alex reaches over and gives his hand a squeeze, a genuine smile spread across his lips, and Reggie returned it. “I came to terms with it a few months after we moved. Can I... tell you something?”

“I’m still here for you, so  _ yes _ ,” Alex replies, and Reggie smiles at him.

“You just, have to promise not to tell Luke. Don’t want to feed that ego of his,” Reggie says with a teasing tone, remembering when he and Alex would joke that Luke had this  _ ego _ when they know he didn’t. He just had a lot of pride in his music, and didn’t always  _ think _ of people thinking him to be the ‘heartthrob’ of the band. “Mainly also because, I don’t think I knew it back then – not really. But I  _ think _ I may have had a crush on him before well, everything.”

Alex gave a small snort, a light laugh following it causing Reggie to tilt his head slightly, “That...  _ that _ makes sense. Sometimes, I would read your journal, the one your mother gave us and your writings about Morgan and Luke... I felt something was off. This just,  _ explains _ it.”

Reggie buries his head into his hands, his face going slightly red, “ _ No _ really?”

“Yeah, but it only makes sense  _ now _ that you said that. But, also... don’t worry, everyone also thinks that  _ he _ had a  _ crush _ on you too back then,” Alex reassures him, and the waitress places the fries on the table, and both guys give a small thanks.

“Flynn thinks that,” Reggie comments, remembering the off handed comment  the woman had said earlier this week. “Doesn’t make sense. He was  _ one _ with Morgan, two... I’m  _ me _ Alex. Totally not his type.”

“Funny, makes him  _ smile _ , kind, loving,” Alex lists as he takes a sip of his drink, confusing Reggie  _ once again _ . “Things you  _ are _ and things that are his  _ type _ .”

“You forgot, depressed, broken, alcoholic and a general mess,” Reggie retorts popping a few fries into his mouth.

“Reggie,” Alex’s tone is soft as he looks at his old friend, “Those don’t define you. Okay. Everyone has flaws okay. Nobody is perfect.”

Reggie changes the topic before, and they sat there talking for a bit – Alex asking if Reggie was going to Julie and Flynn’s after his shift on Saturday. Pretty much everyone knew what Flynn had planned, and everyone practically said that Julie was going to say  _ yes _ , so they were planning a small party to celebrate. Alex finished his drink and Reggie his fries, but they still sat there talking  until  Alex’s phone buzzed. Looking down at his phone, Alex frowns slightly.

“Can we... pick this up tomorrow? Morgan’s home earlier then planned , and it doesn’t sound like they’re happy,” Alex asks, and Reggie nods his head. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Reggie replies, and watches as Alex leaves.

Reggie sits there for a few moments, his mind racing and he takes his time to think. Collecting himself, he takes himself home where he takes out his notebook, starting to write a new song. Pen gliding across the paper, and scratching out things he didn’t like, and sighing when he closes it as he wishes he could at least  _ finish _ it. It’s been almost six months and he hasn’t been able to finish any of the songs he’s written. Time to pick up El from school, and have a movie night.

Alex had driven to get Morgan at the airport, and they were sitting in his home watching  _ Disney _ .  Ever since Alex had gone to pick up Morgan, there was a slight vacant look in their eyes, and it worried Alex – and he expressed as much as he asked, “What happened  Mor ?”

“My mother... she... she  _ hates _ me,” Morgan answers, voice breaking and a sob leaves their lips and Alex brings them into a tight hug. “She kept calling me _ she _ and, when I... I told her about Zoe, she _ scolded _ me, as if  _ she _ wasn’t young when she had me. I...I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to call Chad, he’s busy with work and I remembered you have today off. I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. You were there for me in a tough time, of course I’ll be there for you,” Alex tell them, pressing a soft kiss to the top of their head.

“ _ Shit!”  _ Morgan pulls away, “It’s the anniversary, and I-”

“ Mor , it’s okay. You tell us not to hold back our feelings for others, do the same. And um...  _ Reggie’s alive _ ,” Alex reveals, watching as Morgan’s eyes go wide. 

“What?”

“Yeah. Remember the bassist Julie thought of because our last one quit? It was  Reggie. His father lied. I’m guessing he  _ did _ attempt, with... with the things he said to us, but... Hey, Luke went straight to a meeting. I  _ promise _ . I  practically told him to go,  and Zoe was here last night with me and Willie ,” Alex reassures Morgan, because he could see the worry flashing in their eyes because they both knew how Luke could be with his feelings, and bottling them away until breaking point. When their shoulders relaxed Alex smiled a little, “Stay for dinner. Willie will be home soon, and you can stay here the night if you need more time.”

“Thanks Alex,” They press a soft kiss to Alex’s cheek. “You’re an amazing friend. I don’t want to go home just yet, but... I didn’t pack my  binder. Didn’t think I’d get triggered, would you... ”

“I can go around after dinner, and get it for you. ”

“Thanks...Again.”

Julie had said  _ yes _ , and everyone was sitting around in the living room of Julie and Flynn’s as they celebrated.  Reggie was currently upstairs with Julie, helping setting up the girls to watch  _ Tangled the Series _ , with food and drink, and other activities. Making sure the girls were happy, and knew that if they wanted to sleep, they could take the bed. Luke was talking with Flynn when she commented, “I’m  _ confused _ , from what I’ve heard – You and Reggie weren’t exactly on nice terms.”

“We bumped into each other the other day, and putting aside our feelings, we talked it out. I just, I hope we can be friends again,” Luke replies, letting a soft sigh leave his lips as he brings his drink of Coke to his lips.

He really does hope that since they’ve passed that bump in the road, that eventually they could be back to the way they were when they were teenagers. Just, now with children it seemed. Back to smiling and laughing at jokes that weren’t that funny, but it still set them off. Back to  _ maybe _ writing songs, and just playing and being around Reggie. “See,  _ this _ is why we all say you had a crush on him.  _ That _ smile you got there, you were thinking about him, weren’t you?”

Luke rolls his eyes slightly at Flynn’s words, he heard a knock on the door. Carrie was the one to open it as she was closest. Willie and Alex walked in, and so did Morgan behind them, a small frown found its way to his lips and he walked over to Morgan, thankful for the new distraction. Giving Alex and Willie a hug in greeting before letting them off to talk with everyone else.

Morgan tilts their head, indicating to talk in private so he follows them outside, just on the front porch. He was about to ask why they were home early when Morgan spoke first, “I’ll tell you later. It’s Julie and Flynn’s moment tonight. Okay. I just... I heard you’ve had a rough week on top of what this week  _ is _ for you, and I’m  _ proud _ of you, okay. You listened; you went to that meeting.”

“That means a lot,” Luke says honestly, because  _ yes, _ he maybe six years sober – but the struggle is always there. Just underneath his skin, itching for a release at times. Wanting to claw its way out of his throat – and some people may think it’s as simple as just  _ not _ drinking, it’s not and Luke isn’t sure he knows how to express it. He’s tried, many times within lyrics but it’s hard to get the right words to express this  _ specific _ feeling within himself.

He smiles at them, and they lean in to press a light kiss to Luke’s cheek. “ So. .. I heard Reggie is back. Is he here? I want to see him.” A bright smile spreading across Morgan’s lips and Luke finds it contagious. They always knew how to bring joy to everything.

“He’s upstairs helping Julie with Zoe and El,” Luke informs, before leading them back inside and upstairs. When Zoe see’s Morgan, she smiles widely and runs to them as Morgan bends down to hug their child.

“Hey Sweetie. You been good for Daddy?” Morgan asks, smiling when Zoe nods her head and beams at them. “Good girl.” Pressing a kiss to the top of Zoe’s head before standing  themself up they then turn to look at Julie, and Reggie. Telling the girls, they’ll be downstairs if they need anything and to enjoy themselves. Every so often, someone will be check up on the girls and they walked into the living area were everyone was chatting away.

“Your hair’s blue still,” Reggie comments hand coming up to point at Morgan’s hair before going to fidget with the bracelet on his wrist, and Luke can see the awkwardness coming off of Reggie. Like he didn’t know what to say. Julie went off to find her  _ fiancé _ and left the three to catch up.

“And you’re...  _ here _ . I’m  _ so _ happy to see you  Reg ,” Morgan replies, and opening up their arms. Reggie walks over and embraces Morgan in a hug. Pulling away, Morgan cups Reggie’s face in their hands. “Still handsome I see.” Reggie’s cheeks go red slightly, he opens his mouth to speak but he’s just opening and closing his jaw, trying to figure out what to say. Giving his cheek a small pat with their hand, Morgan smiles. “Yeah, that’s the  Reg I know.”

“You didn’t know me long before I...”

A soft laugh leaves Morgan’s lips, “I’m a people watcher, especially back in high school. You may have flirted, but god forbid a girl flirted back. You blushed like  _ mad _ . But, I’m glad to see you again. Now, I’m going to go congratulate the pair on their engagement,” Morgan says before walking off in the direction that Julie had.

It went silent between Luke and Reggie, “ So. .. Morgan’s a friend?” Luke muses, trying to break the silence as the pair walk to the kitchen to get themselves a drink. He doesn’t mean the words in a harsh way, but –  _ he  _ wants to be able to call Reggie  _ Reg _ again.

“I...Sorry. I’ll stop.. I’ll stop correcting you and Alex, I’m sorry,” Reggie stumbles out, his fingers going to play with his bracelet but Luke holds out a drink to Reggie after he topped up his glass. 

Reggie grabbed the glass, taking a sip and Luke’s lips frowned a little as he registered how his words must have come off to Reggie, so with his free hand, he grabs hold of Reggie’s free hand and gives it a small squeeze. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that.”

Reggie smiles at him, and his heart just  _ slams _ against his chest and Luke doesn’t want this feeling to go away anytime soon. Seeing Reggie’s smile again, it just makes him so happy to see his friend so happy. 

“Hey, lovebirds get in here!” Flynn calls out, and Luke’s cheeks go slightly red but he just let’s out a small laugh before following Reggie out to where their friends were sitting. Everyone was happy, and laughing, chatting about Julie and Flynn the most, seeing as this was to celebrate their engagement.

Over the past few months Reggie has been spending more time with Luke and Alex sine finding them again. He even joined the band after all, spending his Sundays at Julie’s house, playing bass for  _ Julie and the Phantoms _ now. Reggie loves it, it almost feels like he was a teenager again with his friends, just now there were more friends and he had El with him. Often, he would find himself with Luke, especially if he had Zoe. Making play dates with Zoe and El. They maybe a year apart in age, but that didn’t matter and they just played and drew together. 

On  El’s birthday, Morgan apparently organized a small party for her – and Luke and Flynn helped with it. Reggie had gotten her a new book to read, and was sitting with El curled up against his chest on Morgan’s couch with the book in his hands as he read out loud to his sister. Morgan took a photo of the pair, a smile on their lips as they did before turned the camera onto Luke, who had Zoe in his lap curled up and asleep. His fingers running softly through his daughter’s hair as he listened in on the story Reggie was reading.

Luke was looking at Reggie with  _ something _ Reggie couldn’t place, and it made his heart stammer against his chest. He thinks his old crush has come back, but this time – he's more aware of it. A slight redness spreading across his lips when he catches Luke’s eye for a brief moment. He really does like spending time with Luke, with or without the children they’re responsible for. After getting over that initial  _ bump _ in their path but he likes that he, Alex and Luke are getting along and not letting it interfere with how they are now.

Sure, Reggie hates how he missed seeing Alex find someone and fall in love, but – he gets to see it now. He can see it in the way Alex looks at Willie that Alex is in love, and how well they work together it makes Reggie happy that he gets to see it  _ now _ . Reggie isn’t a fan of how he missed these  _ major _ milestones in his friend's lives, but – he's here now and he tells himself that it’s enough.

El had a few presents, more then he was expecting – honestly, he didn’t think his friends would buy anything for his sister, but they had. Julie and Flynn brought her a new colouring book, and set of coloured pencils. Alex and Willie pitched in with Carrie and Kayla to buy a few new clothes, Reggie suspects it’s because he had told Carrie one day that he was saving up for more clothes for El. And Luke, Zoe and Morgan all picked out a little nice silver bracelet that was now wrapped around  El’s wrist as a few snores started to filter from her little body.

Letting a soft sigh fall from his lips, he presses a soft kiss to  El’s head, “I love you; your mother loves you.  Hapy Birthday El,” He whispers into the top of her head, closing the book and wrapping his arm around her, holding her close.

Morgan walks over to Luke, picking up Zoe and Reggie, smiling a little as he watches as Zoe curls into her  Nini , and his own fond smile spreads across his lips when he sees Luke’s as he watches Zoe and Morgan walk off into Zoe’s room. Silence taking over the two men, the only sound soft snores from the now eight-year-old on Reggie’s chest.

“ Reg ,” Luke’s voice was soft as he says his name, Reggie looks over at Luke a small smile upon his lips.

“Yeah?” Reggie’s voice quiet as he answers Luke, keeping it quiet because of the sleeping child against him.

“You can crash here tonight, as to not wake up El... that is if you want,” Luke offer, and Reggie notes a little bit of redness in his cheeks. “I can take El to school when I drop off Zoe.”

Morgan walks out of Zoe’s room, “She’s all asleep, nice and tucked in. I’m going to go. Talk with you later,” Morgan says in a quiet voice, moving to press a soft kiss to Luke’s cheek, then one to Reggie’s. “There’s room in Zoe’s bed if you crash the night Reg.”

Then, Morgan has left, “You don’t have to drop El off, I can do that.”

“You don’t start work until like eleven, you deserve to sleep in  _ once _ ,” Luke counters, standing up from his spot before walking over to Reggie, “I don’t mind. They go to the same school, it’s no hassle. Reggie, you deserve some time to yourself okay. Even if it’s just a few hours more sleep.”

Caving, Reggie smiles up at Luke, “Okay. I’ll go tuck El in... you sure Zoe won’t mind?” 

“She won’t. I’ll grab some blankets and pillows, and you can take my bed,” Luke says as Reggie carefully moves himself to stand up and hold up his sister. Trying his best to not wake her up.

“What? No.  _ I’m _ on the couch, I’m not taking your bed Luke,” Reggie states before going off to put El into Zoe’s bed, while Luke went off to find some extra blankets and pillows. 

When the two men were finished with their tasks, they meet in the living area – Luke with blankets in his arms, and a pillow already placed on the couch. “Reggie, you’re my  _ guest _ you get to sleep in my bed.”

“ _ Fine _ ... but, I don’t want to kick you out. We could, share... Like we use to do when we were younger?” Reggie suggested, eyes casting down to his fingers now playing with the bracelet on his wrist. 

When Reggie looked up Luke had this  _ smile _ upon his lips, “Of course we can. I have some clothes you can borrow. Return them when you can, I don’t mind.” Luke then, is leading Reggie to his room and he pulls out a pair of pyjama pants, and then setting a set of clothes on top of his drawers, saying that they should fit Reggie should he not want to go home in the same clothes he wore today, tomorrow. After changing the pair climbed into bed, and Luke turned on the TV where they just watched some shitty shows until Luke fell asleep against Reggie’s shoulder and Reggie found himself falling asleep not long after.

Reggie woke up when he felt a dip in the bed, alerting him to Luke’s leaving the bed – but, Reggie doesn’t open his eyes. A soft smile spreading across his lips when he feels Luke’s ghost across his forehead, before Luke is walking around the room quietly, and the soft sounds of Luke rounding up the girls for school. After a few moments, Reggie does open his eyes – he likes this feeling. A feeling of _ contentment,  _ he hasn’t felt that in a long while. Maybe it’s because now he has support that he didn’t have back in Philadelphia, and the reconnect with Luke and Alex. __

Running his hands over his face, he smiles when El comes into the room and bounces over to Reggie. Hugging him, and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Morning Reggie!” Her voice bright for the early morning, Reggie’s eyes go to see Luke standing in the doorway with both El and Zoe’s bags in his hands, a fond smile upon his lips, “I’ve got to go to  schoow now.  Wuke is taking me.”

“Carrie is picking you up today okay, I’ve got a long shift today at work,” Reggie tells his sister, bopping her nose and watches as she giggles a little. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah!” She then runs to Luke, smiling up at him and Luke gives her one of his own before ushering the kids out.

Reggie gets a text from Luke, telling him that he was free to use the shower if he wanted and that he was free to help himself to something to eat from the cupboards. Minutes later, Reggie gets himself out of the bed, padding across the room. A little smile spreading across his lips when he sees the shirt Luke had pulled out for him. It was one that Reggie had given him for his fifteenth birthday, he had  _ kept  _ it all these years. It made Reggie’s heart flutter and he had a quick shower, changing into the clothes Luke laid out, and having a small bowl of cereal, washing the bowl – it was  _ all so domestic _ , and the bassist loved it and the idea of anything else felt  _ wrong _ . This just felt so right, as if this was how his days were meant to be. 

Eventually, Reggie left for his shift at the café. Flynn teasing him about how he’s wearing one of Luke’s shirts, but he just rolls his eyes and gets on with his work. How could this day go wrong?

Not even two hours into his shift, a customer started to yell at him for something that he had  _ no _ control over. The café was busy during the lunch rush, but they wanted their coffee and food  _ now _ , that they had demanded their things because it was  _ takeaway _ and they couldn’t get the concept of the workers having to do food and drink orders in the order in which they had been ordered. It left Reggie a little shaken, and Julie told him to switch places with her as she was currently working on making sure they had enough dishes and cold drinks. Flynn was on the food, while Kayla was making the drinks. Trevor came by is helping by delivering drinks for Kayla. Which meant Reggie was on the register, or well until Julie made them switch.

The rush died down, and Julie came out the back, “You okay  Reg ?” She asks, grabbing a handful of cups to bring out to the front. A soft smile upon her lips as she looked at him.

He smiled back at her, “Yeah. I’m okay, just a little shaken. I’m better now,” He tells her, grabbing a handful of dishes himself and they walk out the front, placing the dishes where they belonged. Flynn was going on her break, and Kayla was clearing tables as Trevor went into the office now that it had died down.

The door to the café opens, and Julie looks at him – silently asking if he was up for it, he nods, placing the last of his cups up before turning to see the new customer. When his eyes fell onto the older woman at the counter, he froze a little bit. Trying to shake his thoughts, he plastered on his best customer service smile as he greeted, “Hello, Welcome to Sunset Curve Café, what can I get you?” Trying to keep his voice neutral, trying not to let emotions fill his words as he looked at the woman in front of him.

“Is that  _ anyway _ to greet your mother Reginald?” Her voice speaks, and Reggie winces – unable to stop it at hearing her speak his full name. It brought back some  _ horrid _ memories. He wanted to curl into himself, and hide away, but he doesn’t because he’s at work.

“What would you like Ma’am?” He asks, deflecting and pushing down all the things he wants to say. He wants to yell at her, ask her  _ why _ . Why didn’t she see him in hospital? Why was she always drunk and angry all the time when he was kid, he wanted answers but – he can’t get them, and he doesn’t want them now because he’s come to the terms that they will only confirm his fears. They’ll be the worst answers. He hasn’t seen her in just over eight years, and he never thought he would.

She scoffs, and digs around in her purse before pulling out a white envelope and a little box wrapped in wrapping paper. Automatically, his mind supplies that she  _ knows _ about El, that it was  El’s birthday and he was worried. “Here, for you. It’s your birthday next week.”

“Month. Next  _ month _ ,” Reggie comments, and watches as his mother moves her hand as if to dismiss his comment as if it didn’t matter if it was next week or month, that it was the  _ thought _ that counted or something. Reggie would never know.

“Well... whatever, happy birthday Reginald,” She says, way too  _ sweet _ coming from her when all he’s heard is anger and disgust coming from him. Then, she flutters her fingers before walking out of the café.

Julie rests a hand on Reggie’s shoulder, causing him to jump slightly. “Hey...I overheard. Do you need a few minutes?”

Reggie manages to nod his head, before walking out into the back. He gets stuck into doing the dishes to keep his mind occupied, but that can only last so long as he caught up with all the dishes from the rush – and even on his break where he walked down to the convenience store, hoping it would clear his head as he brought a small pack of cigarettes, something he hasn’t done in almost two years, but he tells himself it’s better than a drink. That’s what he keeps telling himself as he lights up the thing as he walks back to the café. Hoping that it works, that it’s enough to  _ destress _ himself.

When he walks back into the café after putting out his smoke, he can see the way in which Kayla wrinkles her nose at how he smelled of the stuff he smoked. He didn’t think of trying to cover it up, he wasn’t with El – who was the only reason he ever covered the smell for when he did smoke a little more  _ causally.  _ Julie was on her break, and Kayla was leaving. It always got quiet around this time anyway.

Slowly, the time went by and he was sitting in his car – looking at the envelope and gift his mother had given him. He texted Carrie earlier, saying he would be a bit late – he was thinking ten minutes, tops. Sighing, he grabs hold of the letter and opening it up. Tears forming in his eyes as he reads over the words, his heart breaking as some of his most horrible fears are being read in front of him. Shakily, he drops the letter in his lap before his fingers shyly open the present – only for him to let out a small sob at the box. He couldn’t do this, he just climbs out of his car and lighting up a cigarette before walking in the direction of a place he hasn’t been to since he was seventeen.

There was a knock at his door as he set Zoe’s plate in front of her at the small table, frowning a little he tells Zoe he’ll be back in a moment, and for her to just eat. Opening up his door, he sees Carrie and Morgan at his door, with El in between them. Luke knew that Carrie was picking up El for Reggie today, but – he was meant to have picked her up by now, especially because Morgan and Carrie had a date, which is why he had Zoe for an extra day – she usually went back to Morgan today.

“Reggie didn’t come by,” Carrie answers the question he hasn’t voiced yet. “Julie said he was a little upset at work, and he said he’ d  be late but he said ten minutes. It’s been nearly an hour.”

“He’s not answering his phone either,” Morgan comments, and a gut-wrenching feeling fills his stomach and his eyes go wide. 

“Go on your date, I’ll... I’ll look after El,” Luke stutters out, holding his hand out towards El who ignores it before wrapping her arms around him, which only  _ cements _ his worry.

“Luke? Should we be more worried?” Carrie asks, and he can tell that she already is worried but she’s masking it well. She’s good like that, having to mask her emotions a lot – he's learnt that over the years he’s known her.

“Have fun on your date, don’t worry,” Luke replies, giving the best smile that he could. Carefully he closes the door with El clinging to him. He runs his hand through  El’s hair and she looks at him with sad eyes, “Do you know where your brother is?”

She shakes her head, “No. He  awways comes to get me.”

“You hungry?” El nods her head, and Luke leads her towards the table, and gets her set up at the table and places his plate in front of her. The girl eating was more important than him. He tells the girls he’ll be in his room making a call, and he shouldn’t be too long.

In his room, he dials Julie’s phone – waiting for her to answer and when he does, he’s quick to ask, “Have you seen Reggie?”

“Not since we left work, why?” Julie asks, worry seeping into her voice.

“He didn’t pick up El  fr om Carrie. Carrie said, you said he was upset,”

“Yeah. Um, there was this extremely rude customer today, then his mother came by. Both things rattled him.”

“Shit!”

“Luke, what’s going on?”

“I can’t say, but I think... we need to find him. Like _ now _ ,”

“Okay. Flynn will call Kayla and I’ll call Willie. See if they’ve seen him.”

“Alright. I’m going to go out and try and find him. I’ll drop El and Zoe off at my parents.”

“We ’ ll go looking for him too. Call or text if you see him.”

“I will.” He hangs up and runs his hand over his face, he’s hoping with all his heart the places he goes and checks are  _ not _ going to have Reggie in them. He quickly grabs a set of clothes for the girls, and places them into a bag while grabbing Zoe’s school bag, and walks into the kitchen. “Hey girls, when you finish, we’re going to make a trip okay. A sleepover at Grandma Emily and Grandpa Mike’s,” Zoe smiles brightly, and El just nods her head softly.

They finish eating, and he quickly ushers them into his car. Driving to his parents' house, he gets a few texts from his friends. His mother was happy to see Zoe, and meet El, who she welcomed with open arms and ushered them into the living room. His father was looking at him with concern, “Luke, what’s going on?”

“Not... not in front of the girls,” Luke says, and he sees the worry that quickly spread across his parents face as they look at him. His mother runs her hand over Zoe’s hair, before walking over to him. She gently wraps her hand around his arm and walks him back outside, his father nodded and turned his attention towards the girls. “I’m  _ scared _ mum,” Luke admits as they get outside, to his car.

“Why? What is happening?” His mother asks concerned, hand going to wipe at a tear he hadn’t realised at made its way to his eyes.

“I don’t know yet, but I’m scared of what it might be,” Luke answers, and his mother pulls him into a hug. 

“That’s okay, find him and if you need too, please-”

“I will,” He presses a kiss to his mother’s cheek before climbing into his car. Reggie wasn’t home, but Alex said his car was still at the café.

That made Luke have an idea on where he was going to go, starting up his car he drives himself to  _ Dirty Candi _ the small local pub, one he use to frequent himself.

“Haven’t seen you in here in a long while Luke,” Nick, the manager stated with a small smile.

“Not here for a drink Nick,” Luke replies, eyes scanning over the tables to find the person he wanted, who was pushing a half full cup from one hand to the other. A sad smile spread across his lips, and he walked over to Reggie whose face looked so broken. “Hey Reg.”

No reply so Luke reached out a hand to rest on one of Reggie’s wrist. This caused the boy to look up at him, tears  brimming his eyes as he did. Luke smiles at him a little, and a sob broke through Reggie’s lips as looks at Luke.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Luke suggests, and feels grateful that Reggie nods his head. Helping Reggie up, he noted the slight sway in his step and his heart ached. As they walked to his car, Reggie leaned on him and soft sobs were leaving his lips. It was quiet except for the soft sobs coming from Reggie as Luke drove them to Reggie’s place. 

When Luke asks for his keys, Reggie gives them before Luke helps Reggie out of the car and into the small home. On the couch, Reggie curls in on himself as Luke quickly sent off a quick text to his friends, and Luke’s heart breaks at seeing the sight. At seeing his friend so  _ shattered _ . Carefully, Luke reaches out a hand towards Reggie. “Hey, what happened?”

“I didn’t m-mean too,” Reggie stutters out, and Luke can hear the slight slur. He wonders how many drinks Reggie had consumed before Luke had found him. Reggie lets him place his hand on his knee, “T-Three years... down the drain.  _ Gone _ .”

“Three years, that’s an accomplishment  Reg ,” Luke tries, rubbing his thumb gently against Reggie’s knee. 

“I  _ relapsed _ Luke!” Reggie bites back looking Luke in the eye, but there wasn’t a harsh tone to his voice. It was more sadness and bitterness, and Luke thinks  _ shame _ in his friend’s words. “I..I fucked up. T-They're going to take El away from me, and I won’t see her again. Oh god.”

Luke moves himself closer, moving himself so he could pull Reggie into a hug, which just turned into pulling Reggie into his lap, where Reggie curls into his chest, and lets out another sob. Running a hand soothingly up and down Reggie’s arm, Luke tells him, “We won’t let them take El away from you. You won custody for a reason. In the morning, we can go to a meeting together. I’ll be by your side.”

“Oh god, Carrie... I was supposed to pick up El.”

“She’s at my parents, she’s safe,” Luke’s stomach then decides to make a noise, but he ignores it in favour of comforting the male on his lap. He starts to sing a soft version of  _ Crooked Teeth _ , a song the band hasn’t played in eight years. Soon, Reggie’s sobs turn into soft snores. He thinks he might write a sequel to the song, carefully – he reaches for his phone and sees Alex’s worried message, and he dials Alex’s number.

“Is he okay?” Alex’s voice asks the moment he picks up the phone, and Luke with his other hand was still rubbing it soothingly up and down Reggie’s arm.

“He’s asleep now. I’m going to take him to a meeting tomorrow, so I might either take the whole day off, or call in late. I...” He looks down at Reggie, his heart is breaking a little.  “I’ll just call in sick. I’m sure Bobby won’t mind; it shouldn’t be too busy tomorrow anyway. C-Can I ask Alex, is this. This feeling how  _ you _ guys felt?”

This worry, and deep sadness at having seen his friend like this. In such a  _ distressed _ state that the thing he went to cope with was a liquid that numbed the sensation of any emotion. Scared of what would or could have happened had he not found his friend.  He knew Alex knew about Reggie’s problem

“Yeah ... It is. I’ll come around tomorrow,”

“Okay. I might stay over at Reggie’s, keep him company. My parents have the girls, I’ll give them a quick call after this.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” And with that Luke hung up, and called his parents. He tells them Reggie is okay, and asked to say  goodnight to Zoe, and he did so, then to El – who he said Reggie said goodnight because he probably would have if he weren’t asleep.

Sighing softly, after tossing his phone to the other side of the couch, Luke gently shook Reggie’s shoulder, grumbling could be heard from the bassist, “Your bed will be better than on this couch.”

Groaning, Reggie climbed off of Luke and walked over to his bedroom, and stripped himself off his pants, which Luke now realises were his. And  _ god _ Reggie was wearing his shirt, the one Reggie had given him those years ago. Reggie looked good in his clothes, but – this wasn’t the time to think about it so he strips himself down to his boxers, and lays on the bed next to Reggie who kept the shirt on.

Reggie ended up curling into his side, wrapping his arm around Luke’s torso – and Luke drapes his own arm over Reggie. It was quiet between them, and Luke was sure that Reggie had fallen back asleep and would have followed soon behind, even at this  _ so-called early _ time (it was eight pm), if it weren’t for Reggie softly speaking, “I think... my mother tried to kill me. She, that day... put those muesli bars I’m allergic too in my room. Said it was my food and for me to stay in my room, I... She  _ knew _ I was allergic and she... she came to work today. Saying about it being my birthday, do you know what she gave me? A box of the bars.”

Luke arms tighten around Reggie, pulling him closer, “She gave me a letter, telling me how she hated me and wished I was the one who died. Not Jacob. She blamed me for my dad having an affair with Jess. Said he did it to appease me, which... bullshit, he didn’t care about me, he just happened to be having an affair with my favourite bookshop worker. I  _ miss _ Jess. She found me... did you know. She caught me, asked about you and Alex. Tried what she could... God _ my mother _ hated her so much, and the vial things she wrote about Jess, about me and El. She  _ knew _ El’s name but luckily that seemed to be it.”

Reggie had started crying again as he spilled out everything into the room. “I guess, it just  _ pushed _ me to the edge way to quick. El is going to hate me. I always pick her up, I don’t want her to think I’m like our father. H-He was always late, sometimes wouldn’t come for days to pick her up.”

Moving a hand to rest into Reggie’s hair, Luke uses his fingers to gently massage  the spot,  “You are not your father. You slipped; it happens okay. I promise, we’ll go to a meeting tomorrow. We can spend the day together if you want .”

“That sounds... good,” Reggie mumbles, and his eyes drop down and he starts to snore slightly. 

In the morning, Luke wakes up Reggie so they can take the girls to school, both calling in sick to their work. Though when Carrie answered, she stated that she had a feeling, and it was organized and told him not to worry about it. Asking if only he would still be making his shift the next day, and he could. When they pick up the girls, Reggie hugs El tightly, whispering apologies into her hair before pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. 

“This weekend, me and you okay El. I promise, just us two,” Reggie says as he helps El into the car, wanting to make up for his mishap of last night. “Tell me what food you want, and I’ll make sure I get it this week. You can choose what we do.”

“Can we finish my book?” El asks, patting her bag where she had placed the book the other day when she had been getting ready for school at Luke’s place. Wanting to make sure she had it with her at all times.

“Of course, we can,” Reggie replies, a smile upon his lips. “Today Morgan is picking you up, do you want another sleepover?”  El’s eyes brighten up, she hasn’t had this many sleepovers and Reggie thinks she likes it, because she is nodding her head. “I’ll talk with Morgan, and tonight you can stay there okay.”

Luke interrupts them to say they need to get going so the girls won’t be late for school, so Reggie presses a soft kiss to  El’s forehead before closing her door, and climbing into the passenger seat. He sends a quick message to Morgan, asking if they’re able to keep El for the night and that he’d call later to explain a bit more, he doesn’t want to do so with El in the car. Once the girls were dropped off, Luke took them to the nearest meeting.

Reggie opened himself up, and talked about the things that had happened and his relapse and how he hopes that it was the only time he does so. That he will try, and will forever be trying for his sister. He doesn’t say that now he has friends to be sober for, that part felt too personal if he were that honest. Because, until he moved to LA the only ones trying to support his sobriety was his lawyer that was helping with getting custody over El. His ex-girlfriend, well she kind of  _ enabled _ him a lot when they were together.

Reggie had been drinking since he was a teenager, sixteen if you were to put an age too it. Though, after moving is when it started to become more, and the older he got the  _ more _ it got. Something he hid well enough from his family, maybe it was because he usually became more  _ talkative _ when intoxicated that no one really noticed how bad it really got until his ex-girlfriend came into his life. She had also done a few drugs and drank a lot, and was always there to offer him a beer with a smile upon her lips.

He thought he was in love with her, she made him feel better about himself – with her, he’d forget all about his issues with his father. Her hands upon his body, lips attaching to his neck and drawing out moans that  drown out  the voices in his head , make them go quiet for a while. But she also didn’t like that he would take care of El. She openly hated it when El  wasn’t  around, but she put up with her for Reggie’s sake. Always whispering promises into his ears of what they would do once El was back with her father.

It took him longer than he would like to admit for him to realise how bad she was for him, and in his battle for custody for El. But, eventually, he figured it out and removed her from his life and started his journey to get sober for  El’s sake.

“ Reg ,” Luke’s voice filters into his ears, causing Reggie to look at him with a soft smile. They were back at Reggie’s place. After the meeting, they had dropped off some clothes at Morgan for El to choose from, and for Reggie to explain what had happened and they were happy to have El for the night if it meant Reggie was putting his mental health first. 

“Yeah?” He responds, watching Luke’s face carefully. There was a light frown upon his lips, and Reggie didn’t like that look. It didn’t suit Luke because it meant something was bothering  him .

“You okay? You  kinda spaced out there,” Luke asks, and Reggie can hear the worry in his voice – and  _ god _ did Reggie want to kiss him for it. Luke made him feel more loved than his ex ever did.

“I am. I was just...thinking about my Ex, she... We meet not long after Jess died, and I can’t blame my drinking on her because I was drinking long before I meet her. It just got worse with her, and I was just thinking about it. How, I thought I was in love with her – even though we argued, and she enabled my drinking, and that she hated El. She was  _ not _ happy when I told her I wanted to fight for custody of my sister. She would tell me she loves me, and I would believe her.

“I thought the same, that I loved her. But, really, I know I loved the feelings she could give me. Like, her love was a high itself. I do hope she is okay, even though we were toxic for each other,” Reggie replies, giving a light shrug of his shoulders.

“I don’t want to pry; I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready but... how long before you two met did you start drinking?” Luke asks, and Reggie can see the worry in his eyes and he thinks he sees  _ guilt _ there too.

“We all drank at the parties Luke... but, sixteen. There were times I would, just to drown out my parents and my thoughts,” The answer is honest, and he reaches out to grab hold of Luke’s hand, giving it a small squeeze. “I hid it well, don’t blame yourself okay. Listen, my ex from college, he didn’t notice until I showed up one too many times drunk... but that did ultimately end with us breaking up. He d-”

Reggie was cut off by a knock at the door, and he went up to get it. Smiling when he saw Alex there with a bag of food for the three of them to eat. Reggie let him in, then he set up the TV for a  _ Star Wars _ movie marathon. Luke helped Alex set up the food for them to eat, and soon they were huddled on the couch just like old times.

It reminds Reggie of when they were kids, and would have movie nights where they would huddle together, and just keep each other company. Then, as they got older, they had slowly stopped doing it every month, but whenever someone was having a really bad day or week, it would constitute for a movie night that weekend. So, when Alex came out, they had one because his parents weren’t nice about it. When Luke and his mother had a really big fight about the band. Movie night. When Reggie couldn’t hide his tiredness from his friends. Reggie wonders, if Luke and Alex did this after he attempted, shaking the thought out of his mind he finds himself curling up against Luke’s side and laying his feet across Alex’s lap.

Seemingly he fell asleep, and he woke up to the feeling of his legs being moved and soft chatter around him. There was an arm around him, and he smiled and cuddle in closer to the warmth at his side. He doesn’t open his eyes yet; he doesn’t want too.

“You do too,” Alex’s voice whispers, and there is the soft tale of footsteps walking around.

“You love him too,” Luke’s voice retorts, and it sounds like the two were arguing with the tone that Luke’s whispered reply came.

“I do. But, I’m not  _ in love _ with him. Stop being stubborn, and admit your feelings for once in your life.”

It went quiet, and Reggie almost opened his eyes when he heard Luke’s whispered voice, go even softer – almost vulnerable, “I can’t. I don’t want to push him away, not again. Alex, I can’t lose him again.”

Alex sighed, “I know... but, can you at least  _ admit it _ out loud. Even just to yourself?”

“I don’t know,” Luke replies, and Reggie feels fingers carding through his hair. There was the sound of his door opening, and closing. Not wanting Luke’s fingers to leave his hair, Reggie stays where he is – he can feel himself falling asleep again. There was a soft sigh from Luke and he pressed a light kiss to the side of Reggie’s head, “How am I supposed to tell you I’m in love with you? That I think I have been since we were teenagers, but...  _ god _ . You won’t love me back, not like how I do.”

A few more moments of silence, and another sigh, “I’m in love with you Reggie,” Reggie hears a wet laugh, and this makes Reggie move away from Luke, showing the other he was awake as he sits himself up right body facing towards Luke, “Reg? How was your sleep?” Luke asks, wiping at his eyes as he turns to face Reggie and a light frown forms on Reggie’s lips. The guitarist was trying to act as if he  _ hadn’t _ just  admitted that he was in love with what he thought was a sleeping Reggie.

Reaching to grab hold of Luke’s hand, he holds it in his own, “Why are you crying?” He doesn’t want to let Luke know he  _ knows _ , at least – not yet.

“It’s nothing. Just me being stupid is all, ” Luke replies, giving a smile towards his friend and Reggie uses his other hand to wipe at the tears, taking in how Luke leans into the touch.

“Loving me is stupid?” The dark-haired male muses, there isn’t malice behind the question and he rests his hand on Luke’s cheek. Watching as Luke’s eyes go slightly wide, and Reggie had the urge to run his thumb against Luke’s bottom lip, but he settles for caressing his jaw which opens slightly as if Luke was trying to speak but couldn’t find the words.  “ Also... when can I stop being the reason you cry?”

A small laugh escapes Luke at Reggie’s joke, and he leans his head against the couch. Reggie following suit , deliberately placing his head closer, their noses just brushing against each other.  “Loving you isn’t stupid, I am. Loving you is easy, and  that made falling for you just that much easier. ”

“So, why are you stupid?” Reggie’s curious to know Luke’s train of thought, or if he has one. 

“Falling for someone I can’t have,” Luke answers as he looks into Reggie’s eyes. A light smile upon his lips, which Reggie just wants to kiss, and so feeling a little bold, he shuffles closer before pressing his lips against Luke’s.

It was a soft press of lips, and Reggie looks into Luke’s eyes – smiling a little at seeing many emotions running across those orbs. “Who said you can’t have me?” Reggie’s words spoken against Luke’s lips, and he gives the hand that is in his, a small squeeze. 

“You?” Luke’s voice is soft and in shock as his eyes search Reggie’s face for any sign of this being a joke. 

“Yeah,” And that was all it took for the pair to press their lips together again, corners of their lips tugging into smiles as they moved their lips together. 

Kissing Luke was different from his last ex, because kissing Luke he felt love coming off of Luke’s lips and pressing into his own. They move so that Reggie’s legs are one either side of Luke’s, one of Luke’s hands were at the back of Reggie’s neck and the other on his hip. Reggie’s own hands were cupping either side of Luke’s neck as the kiss started to get more intense. Eventually, they pull away big old grins on their faces, Reggie’s thumbs rubbing at the base of Luke’s jaw, which just made the brunette male grin bigger.

“Want to go on a date? Next weekend?” Luke asks, unable to remove that smile from his lips.

Reggie nods his head, pressing a soft quick kiss to Luke’s lips. “Sounds like a plan.”

They end up ordering some pizza for dinner, and curling up in Reggie’s bed for the rest of the night.

Over the next months, Reggie told everyone about his past problem and how he had relapsed, and that he was sorry for scaring anyone. Everyone just smiled at him, and told him they were proud that he was still seeking help. He had been at work while all his friends and El were at Alex and Willie’s wedding. It’s not like he wasn’t invited, he  _ was _ , but before he reunited with Alex, he had already promised to cover this shift for Julie, and the café was already going to be short staffed as it was with Flynn and Carrie also not available to work. So, it was just him, Kayla and Trevor’s son Bobby who actually works at the music store with Luke, but he knew enough about tills and washing dishes that he was of help just for the day. Trevor did pop in for the lunch rush.

The shop was closed, and he was walking to his car when he noticed someone leaning against it. “Luke?” Reggie questions as he got closer to the other male, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Luke’s cheek as he did. “What are you doing here?”

“Picking you up, or well... you’re driving, but, come on. The wedding isn’t over and Alex wants  _ some _ pictures of you at his wedding,” Luke replies, and that is when Reggie notices that Luke was holding a bag over his arm. “Flynn picked this out for you.”

“How about,  _ you _ drive, and I’ll change what I can in the back?” Reggie suggests, holding his hand out to the bag and the keys in his other hand.

“Deal.”

With that, they both climbed into the car – Luke into the driver's seat, and Reggie in the back. It was dangerous and he would scold El for not having her seatbelt on in the car, but – he was just trying to get changed. He managed to change his shirt, and do up his bowtie before they reached the location, Luke quickly showed him to the bathroom where Reggie finished changing.

“I  ** knew ** it would look great on you,” Flynn comments as he walks out of the bathroom, where she then holds out her hands. She makes a gesturing motion and he gets the hint and hands over his pants. Julie was then next to Flynn, linking her arm around her fiancé's waist and pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. “Oh, his shoes. Those work shoes just aren’t it.”

“Right,” Julie says before nodding for Reggie to follow and he does, and she leads him to where El is playing with Zoe. They’re laughing about with Carrie carefully looking over them as Morgan and Willie dance on the floor among the guest. There were a pair of shoes near Carrie, who looks up from the kids to them for a moment with a small smile on her lips. 

Sitting himself down, he switches out the shoes he only wears for work out for his more comfortable shoes, they already were very dressy as it is. El spots him, then runs over to him and causing the pair to fall to the ground as she tried to hug him, laughter going around them as those who witnessed laughed at the sight. Reggie managed to sit himself up and El stood in front of him, in a cute little light pink dress.

“Reggie! Alex and  Wiwwie , they..” She leans forward and close to his face, voice dropping down in volume as she looks at him, “Kissed! Wike you and Katy use too.”

A soft chuckle fell from his lips, “Did they now?” He drops his jaw in mock shock, before brushing away the few strands of her hair that had fallen out of place. “Are you having fun?”

“I am now. We had to sit for a  wong time though, then they kissed,” El tells him a light smile on her face. Zoe then comes along, and waves at Reggie before whispering into El’s ear. Reggie watched as his sister’s eye light up, and he could  _ tell _ that mischief was not far behind, especially as the two girls ran off. 

Reggie was about to get up off the floor when Carrie stood up, and quickly followed the girls. Luke found him, holding out his hand for him to help him up, which Reggie gladly took. Not bothering to take out his hand out once he was up. It was nice, Reggie loved it. Luke walked them to where Alex was, and the blond held out a plate to Reggie.

“Eat. Our photographer is coming back in half an hour. I’m glad you were still able to come, it means a lot,” Alex says, then gestures towards the spot next to him for Luke and Reggie to sit.

So, they did. They chatted away as Reggie ate, and he told them of the stupidity of one of the customers who came in today, which caused his friends to laugh. Soon enough, Reggie finished his food, and they were taking a few posed photos before the photographer, Julie’s father who had offered to do this for the pair set off to take random photos of everyone, and potentially to talk with his daughter.

Willie and Alex shared a few more dances, and Luke ended up dragging Reggie onto the dancefloor just as a soft song started to play, it was a sweet moment and the cake they had afterwards was a nice way to finish the night. The girls were getting tired, in fact, they had fallen asleep against each other, Zoe resting against Carrie who also looked on the verge of sleep. Ray, Julie’s father, snuck a photo of them, Reggie would ask for a copy of that photo. Reggie also takes this as a signal to take El home.

“Do you have Zoe tonight?” Reggie asks as gently shakes El’s shoulders, she was getting too big for him to carry her in his arms. She has been for a while, but he would always try but right now he was tired too. When she blearily blinks her eyes open, Reggie turns and bends down, their silent signal for her to climb onto his back. She leans onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck and he carefully holds onto her legs as they come by his side. 

“Morgan has her, I have her tomorrow night though,” Luke replies, giving a small look towards Carrie. Luke bends down and presses a soft kiss to his daughter’s head. “Sweet dreams Kitten. See you later Carrie.” Carrie gives a small nod of her head in response.

Luke and Reggie go around saying quick goodbyes to everyone before loading El into Reggie’s car, Luke placing Reggie’s pants and shoes in the back of the car. “You don’t have to leave with me.” Reggie comments as they climb into the car.

“You’re my  _ boyfriend _ , of course I do,” Luke tells him, as he leans over to press a quick kiss to Reggie’s lips. “Plus it looked like everyone else was starting to leave anyway.”

“I love you, you know that?”

“I do. Now, when we get to your place, after putting El to bed we can curl up in your bed and watch shitty TV until we fall asleep,” Luke presses another kiss to Reggie’s lips, and Reggie returns it a little before they pull apart. Reggie nods his head, smiling to himself. This was... it just felt right, he didn’t want this feeling to ever go away. Loving Luke was  _ easy _ , and Reggie couldn’t think of anything better as he drove them home.

After putting El into bed after struggling with helping her out of her dress and into a set of pyjamas, Reggie found his way to his room, where Luke looks already on the verge of passing out. He was just in his boxers, Luke’s clothing discarding to the side of Reggie’s bed. A fond smile spread across his lips as he took in the site, after stripping himself of his suit he climbs onto the bed, on top of Luke, hands bracketing Luke’s face and he leans down for a kiss, “You know... you’re supposed to get  _ under _ the covers Luke,” Reggie mumbles against his boyfriend’s lips, a light laugh falling from his lips.

“I needed to  _ breathe _ ,” And that causes another laugh to come from Reggie’s lips, Luke had been wearing a tight long-sleeved shirt when he saw him. That made sense, Luke couldn’t really deal with tight long-sleeved anything.

Reggie flops himself onto his side before climbing himself under the covers, and cuddling into Luke’s side when he does the same. Soon enough, Reggie heard Luke snoring softly and he smiled to himself, curling in more to Luke’s side as he let sleep take him over too.

**Author's Note:**

> this got longer then i expected.... but hope you enjoyed
> 
> [a series for missing scenes from this au](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29330553) feel free to request scenes from any point in the time-line. Including before and after the fanfic as well as during.


End file.
